The Paradox Of Insanity

Insanity is:

• Being awake at 2 a.m. translating a Japanese book about topical steroid withdrawal without any Japanese knowledge at all.

• Googling hours and hours for alternative cures for eczema, product recommendations, blogs and more. 

• Postponing doing number two to stop my daughter from scratching herself until she bleeds.

• Throwing plush toys while driving to stop my daughter from a crazy itching episode.

• Taking more than 15 minutes changing a diaper because the itching is so bad that I have to have someone else holding her hands while I change her.

• Telling to strangers that eczema is not CONTAGIOUS.

• Avoiding going outside  to minimize exposure to pet allergens.

• Having tried coconut oil, primrose oil, emu oil, hemp seed oil, aquaphor, calmoseptine, activated charcoal, aloe vera gel, tea tree oil, shea butter, calendula baby cream and vaseline on her skin with no satisfactory results.

• Losing almost 20 pounds, being already skinny, as a result of breastfeeding and implementing a total elimination diet for related allergies

• Eating chicken livers, kelp, kombucha, kefir and probiotics to enhance her immune system through breast milk.

• Avoiding eating out to prevent cross-contamination of allergens. 

• Reading labels and calling companies to ask if their products have been processed in facilities with milk and eggs.

• Bringing bed sheets, comforters and pillows on every trip we go to prevent dust mite allergens.

• Leaving places unexpectedly to calm her down for extreme intense itching.

• Not sleeping more than three hours in a row during night. 

• Leaving my daughter unattended for less than a minute and finding her with scars and bleeding wounds.

• Turning off WI-Fi at home to reduce electromagnetism stress.

• Changing air filters, installing water softeners, buying dust mites covers and changing all household products to non-chemical ones.

• Ordering anti-scratch products from UK and New Zeland because there aren't available in the USA.

• Having a strong willed 3 year old toddler demanding my attention all day long.

• Trying to convince people and family that doctors aren't the alternative to our daughter's health.

• Crying and screaming like a baby in the bathroom when everything is out of control.

According to the dictionary 'Insanity' means madness, instability, and craziness; and so far, all these things relate to my life. Never thought I would meet insanity this way. At the beginning, I struggled to understand this calamity, and I questioned, "Why me?" "Why my daughter"?, but after several months, I have changed the way I see everything, and now I see positive outcomes as a result of this insanity. 

Throughout this journey, we have built a STRONG FAMILY BOND. We work as a team and we focus on each other's strengths. There is a lot of commitment from each family member towards Catherine recovery. Even if we are busy trying to fulfill Catherine's needs, we play and enjoy together every time we can.

Additionally, we have adopted new HEALTHY EATING HABITS. We eat more soups, fruits and vegetables. We are now more knowledgeable about how our body works and the way we can improve health from the inside out through nutrition. 

Personally, I'm more GRATEFUL than ever before. I appreciate simple things that I previously took for granted. I thank God every day for having a beautiful family, for giving me health and the opportunity to care of my daughter full time, for her temporary condition that isn't life threatening, for giving me this test to my soul and learn the true meaning of patience, sacrifice, and faith.

Finally, how can I complain if my daughter is always trying her best to be happy. Despite being constantly surrounded by the 'itchy monster' she is always in a good mood. Maybe all the suffering has developed endurance and strength in her character. 

To conclude, there are no words to describe this insanity. My advice to all parents going through this is to hang in there, because someday this madness will come to an end.